Chop Chop

While talking about FP cutting down some of the GIANT fern plant we have in our backyard (it's about 5 feet high and 11 feet wide).

Me: So, what are you going to cut that with? I think we need to get some clippers.
FP: A machete.
Me: What?
FP: Yeah, I'm going to get a machete.
Me: From where? Don't you think clippers would be more useful.
FP: From Home Depot. And shin guards. A machete and shin guards.
Me: ?
FP: You know, so when you're chopping down, you don't chop your ankles.
Me: Seriously, get clippers.
FP: And, when you annoy me, I can chop off your hands with the machete.
Me: Oh, that's nice. Who will clean the house?
FP: The cat.
Me: Who will do all the yard work?
FP: You can do that with wooden hands. We'll rig something up with pulleys, and tassels, and wires. It will be fine.
Me: Oh my god. Get the clippers.