Watch Out Jacksonville

My two best friends that I have known just about my whole life will be visiting this weekend.

Jen arrives tomorrow from NYC for a BALLS TO THE WALL night out -- we will be joined by my Jax girls and I think it's going to get messy...in a good way.

Rach comes down from SC on Saturday. The three of us haven't really huung out since our weddings, and that doesn't really count since it was all wedding time. So, I can't wait!!!!!!!

Of Great Importance

Two things:

1. Slumdog Millionaire totally deserves every ounce of hype it has gotten. I love it!!!! You need to see it!!! It is beautifully painful and uplifting all at once. And, a very fabulous soundtrack.

2. I BOUGHT A NEW CAR!!!!!! This is HUGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My car had been dying for the past year and every time I have driven it lately, I am worried that this is the last time -- I got quoted it needed a $1000 worth of work to it. But guess what??? I traded it in for $2500 and got me a 2008 Scion TC and let me tell you, it is so cute and zippy, and I am one happy girl!! Wooo!!

Love Letter

Dear Sawyer,

I've missed you.

Absence supposedly makes the heart grow finder, but I must admit, sometimes it's out of sight, out of mind. I haven't seen you around in a while. You with your smoldering eyes and sarcastic comments. You with your bad, bad ways and your hot, hot body. And last night when you gave that Scientist guy a smack, well, let's just say you can rough me up anytime.

I don't want to reform you and take away all your badness, no I don't. I love you just the way you are, with your obnoxious nicknames. And underneath it all? Well, you have that undying love for Kate, but I know if you met me, Sawyer, you would leave her in one second because we are a far better match. I get you.

So I am looking forward to our Wednesday night dates -- you, me, some wine -- it's perfect.

Love,
Steph

And Just Like That.....

This is such an amazing and momentous day, and one I have been waiting for for a very long time! I planned this whole inauguration day for the entire fifth and sixth grades because I felt (and duh, it is) it was so important for the kids to really understand what a big deal it is for Obama to be taking office, especially the day after MLK, Jr. day.

You never know how these things are going to go -- generally, I groom my classes to be big talkers and discussers of events, but some groups are more deep and sensitive than other groups.

I was really pleasantly surprised this morning when we had an hour discussion of racism in our country. It was awesome that they were all so into it and not afraid to express their opinions and beliefs, and that they were able to draw upon historic moments that changed racial attitudes (I'm talking a range of the Japanese internment camps to the Crusades), and how people are afraid of what is different. It was pretty powerful.

I had been feeling a bit burnt out on teaching the past couple of weeks, but it is days like this that make me, literally, cry because I have the best job in the world.

Besides being independently wealthy. Or getting paid to travel. Or writing best-selling novels that Robert Pattison stars in.

Way Down Upon The Suwanee River....

This weekend I went away with my girlfriends to a cabin in the middle of nowhere, on the Suwanee River. It was awesome!! We ate, drank, chatted, and had a dance party.

And, contrary to FP's ideas of what a girls weekend might entail, there were no pillow fights, tickle parties, or panty raids.

Flashback!

How awesome is this picture? Since I don't yet have a scanner at my house, I rely on my friends to post these fabulous old pictures. My friend Heather put this one up on FaceBook, and it is a classic. It is me, Heather, and Jen at Heather's birthday -- I think it was her 16th or 17th birthday, which would make me 15 or 16....but I am pretty sure I am 15 here, just about to turn 16.

Back then, we would ride around in Heather's huge, old yellow car and just go all over the place. This was after Jen and I got out of the goth stage, and when I have a scanner here at home, I just might post some of those pics. We still considered ourselves alterna-girls because we would NEVER have been mainstream, oh no we wouldn't. Heather was more of a hippie-type girl -- she went to one of the neighboring high schools and I had met her at church.

One of the coolest things is that Jen is still one of my best friends, and I am still friends with Heather and very good friends with her sister, Sunny. Most of the people I was close to then, and from when I was 5, I am still close to know, which is a very long time. My closest college friends, except a few, are still some of my closest friends, too. And I know that the awesome friends I have made in Jax, I will be friends with for a very, very long time. I think it is a pretty good character trait, despite all of my craziness and bouncing around, that my friends are really important to me and I work to keep those friendships last. Boyfriends on the other hand......

Let's not even go there.

And The Flood Gates Are Open

Your words spill over me
wrap me up in sex and hunger
hypnotize me with empty promises until I forget about everything else.

And as quick as a snake
you're gone
taking me with you,
even as I watch you walk away.

I wait
impatiently
for a glimpse, a touch
anything.

But you never come back.

You Asked For It

Forgotten whispers and promises
crumpled up in an old letter
covered in wine stains and scribbles.

Time rewinds and stands still,
walls that had been meticulously built
knocked down with one breath.

She came back, uninvited, unwanted,
and laughed because she had never really left.
She had just waited.

Reminding me of
days on the river
days in the rain
nights spent talking,
wrapped up in thought.

And just when I got comfortable with all the memories,
she slipped away,
taking it back again and leaving me with nothing.

Then And Now

Because a co-worker is throwing one of those gold-buying parties, I was inspired to dig around in my jewelry box for things to sell. I had some old stuff from ex-boyfriends, but I couldn't find it anywhere, so I pulled out My Special Box to look for it.

I started My Special Box when I was 14 and had just gotten back from England for the first time -- one of my best friends is English and since I was 12 we alternated summers with each others' families in New York and England. Being over there made a huge impression on me, so I started a box to save mementos from trips, boys, friends, family, school -- things that were special. I kept adding to it pretty much until I was 25. When I started dating Sean and things were decidedly un-special.

At any rate, there are a lot of things from college in there because of course that was a major growing experience and all that -- such intense feelings from college. Intense friendships, intense love, intense sadness and happiness -- everything seemed multiplied, and when I was reading through all of those keepsakes and looking at the little trinkets I saved, all of the intensity came rushing back like crazy and just took my breath away.

In some ways, I am so like myself from 11 or 12 years ago, but in other ways, I couldn't be more different. I am still so emotional and headstrong, but I am so much more confident and sure of myself. I take more risks now in some ways, but back then I took a lot of stupid risks. Back then, I took more physical risks, where now I take more emotional risks, though I would jump out of a plane or off a cliff into the ocean any day still. Sometimes I wish I could go back to those days and do so many things differently and more confidently, and other times I am glad I made all the dumb mistakes I did because it made me into who I am now.

And all of this self-realization and memory-lane walking totally made me realize something huge: for my whole life, the only thing I wanted to do was write. It defined me in school, it was who I was. After college, I did it for a while, but I got burnt out writing about shit I didn't care about for a living, which not only depressed me, but made me hate what I loved. And it also made me scared of what I loved. The risks I used to take when I wrote? I couldn't take them anymore. I was afraid of hurting the people around me and exposing myself and having someone get the wrong idea about what I was writing about.

But I don't have to be. All of these ideas and thoughts and stories and poems that are running around in my head? They don't need to stay hidden inside anymore -- because I am not scared anymore. And I don't give a shit if someone gets the wrong impression, and all of this feels very liberating. Finally realizing what has been holding me back from writing and what I need to do to get back there, and in turn, getting back to who I am.

Yoga Is NOT For Pussies

I was all proud of myself today that I talked, with accuracy and thought, about football with three guys today. All about how the top three teams got beat and no one could have predicted the outcome of the playoffs so far and how Eli was really off, and the defense really needed work, and could you believe the Titans went down?

However, this happened at yoga. Does that negate my toughness factor?

Go Big Blue! And I Hope The Other Team Does Well, Too!

As we've established, I am just not competitive when it comes to sports at all. The football game that I had to play with my class versus the other class? I was all about, "let's have fun , guys!!!" while the other teacher was all about, "we're going to WIN!!!!!!!" I tend to talk it out and I don't want people to feel bad when they miss a pass or drop a ball or something, because really? Does it matter?

But in the past two years, I have really gotten into watching the Jaguars games, and also continuing to root for the Giants. I love supporting the Jags because, even though Jacksonville is the largest city area-wise in the U.S., it is still a small town. I am noticing that I am getting to know most a lot of people here, even though I have been here for not even three years. So the Jaguar players, besides some of their kids going to the school I teach at, are out and about in the community and give back, and you actually see them. In Ne York, I did see a few Yankees, but they were out on the town. SO, I really feel like I know the Jags (even though I don't really).

And it's fun to have a common bond with people and all that, too. However, I saw a new side -- one I didn't notice as much when we lived in Gainesville (though maybe I did) when the Gators went to the championship game. People were INSANE here. The kids were getting into fights with the handful of Sooners fans. Why? I mean, I just don't get it. My brother-in-law is a cray Gator fan, and he truly feels like a part of the team -- talking about them as "We" and getting truly emotional when things go really wrong or really right. Or our friends that are Colts fans are NUTS and scream and yell at the television during games.

It is something I don't think I will ever get, even though I root for the Jags and Big Blue. If they don't win, that is a bummer, but I don't think I'll be starting any bar fights over it.

Is It Summer Yet?

I truly love teaching. I love working with kids and watching them have these moments where they GET it after not getting it. I think it is amazing to see so much potential in them, and hope they will grow into it.

What I do NOT love is some of the other stuff. Some teachers do not teach because they love it. I don't know why they teach, but they don't. So, they bitch a lot. And then, of course, your school might be getting accredited. After I went through that whole thing last year, you would think I am a pro, but since I am at a real school this year, we actually are going through all of the proper steps and it is A LOT of extra work. Plus, there is a lot of drama on my team of teachers with people personally attacking each other.

Needless to say, it has been a really hard transition for me to get back into the groove after the vacation. And it seems like it is that way for everyone. Phew.

On a completely unrelated note, I am really trying to work hard on not being so abrasive. I have opinions. And I am always brutally honest. I think this combination works better in the North, but down here in the South, everyone is a little more genteel. So I am trying to work on that, and I think that overall that is a positive thing. It is not a resolution, really, but after so many months of feeling like my body has not been my own and feeling depressed and out of it and not like myself, I am trying to get my shit together and balance everything out.

So bear with me.

Top Ten Reasons Why Dirty Dancing Is One Of The Best Movies EVER

10. Johnny Castle, aka Patrick Swayze, has one of the best bodies ever. Seriously. His back? Could it be anymore gorgeous? He's not all muscle-y and gross, but rather sleek and defined. Delicious.

9. Excellent music. Now, I am not a fan of oldies at all, but the soundtrack to that movie is really one of the best soundtracks for a movie.

8. Dancing it out. Fired from your job? Fighting with your family? Unwanted pregnancy? A good dance will solve it.

7. Everyone dances in unison, communicating without words, just lots of pelvic thrusts. Really, the best way to communicate. Also, I danced from when I was 5 until I was 20 and wanted to be a dancer, and this movie just confirmed my love even more.

6. The movie brought back jean cut-offs for a long time. Sadly, they are not really in style these days, but I lived in my jean cut-offs after being inspired by Baby's awesome styles.

5. An excellent cast of characters, with fabulous names: Johhny, Baby, Neal, Lisa, Robbie, Penny, Moe -- I love them all.

4. The movie spawned the Dirty Dancing Concert Tour which I went to see for my 12th birthday at Radio City Music Hall. Thank you, Mom and Dad.

3. Fountainhead is in the movie. Really, any movie with an Ayn Rand reference is tops in my book.

2. A hot, sexy, yet romantic love scene that as a pre-adolescent taught me just how I wanted to lose my virginity, and set the tone for my lifelong love of bad boys with hearts of gold underneath. I did not, however, lose my virginity to a dancer during a summer away. The bad boy part, though.....

1. Nobody puts Baby in the corner.

What Happened To Dick?

The new year has started out fabulously -- in fact, since last night and today have already been far better than the majority of 2008.

We went out with my fam lat night to this really amazing place,Marker 32 for dinner. It is one of our favorite restaurants, but not one we go to often because it is far out of our Taco Bell price range. However, it was delicious and great to hang out with my parents -- I can totally tell I am getting older since I think the last New Year's Eve I spent with my parents was when I was like 10 years old. For real. So, it was great to be with them and hang out. We had a late dinner and didn't get home until about 11:30, where we immediately put on Dick Clark's New Years Rockin' Eve.

What happened to Dick?

Seriously, I thought that after last year's scary Dick Clark-robot man, ABC would retire him and just let him keep his name on the show. But no, he was back! I mean, he looks okay, but what the fuck is he saying? And after everything he said, Ryan Seacrest would say, "That's right, Dick!" Very bizarre.

FP and I spent the first actual part of New Year's all by ourselves, which was lovely, since we are always travelling somewhere during the holidays (yet I always manage to watch Dick Clark). Then today we went down to our friends for a comfort food and hair-of-the-dog party. Very fun.

So 2009 is turning out great! Spending it with my husband, and family, and friends and just being low key -- I know this is going to be a wonderful year!!!!